I know you!
You are running around like a crazy person.Your head is full of a never ending to-do-list, your day sheet runs in 10 minute blocks and you rarely stop. Your head is like peak hour at the supermarket, thoughts in and out, some cut in line and often not in a logical pattern. You fear you will forget something. In fact if you ever get a moment to yourself you check your calendar as you worry that you have forgotten something.
Despite all of this excitability and running around, you are exhausted. You are feeling like you can never reach that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, as well as a little hopeless and frustrated with yourself. You don’t remember what YOU want anymore, nothing really makes you happy, yet you are not decidedly unhappy.
You are so busy that you don’t remember the last time you sat still, for the purpose of sitting still. Maybe you have never thought about sitting still or maybe you don’t think that you need to. Even when you do snatch a moment, you numb out to social media, food or alcohol to “relax” so it doesn’t feel refreshing anyway. Always busy, busy, busy. Busy breeds more busy
What is interesting though is that even though you are living your life at a sprint you are still not living up to your expectations. (I have actually been seen running in the mornings, not in my active wear, but with one heel on, a school bag in one hand and a school reader in the other, not cool!)
You care so much that you are willing to sacrifice yourself to achieve the “expected” or “desired” outcome. It might be your kids, your job or your family members, but for some reason, you believe that they are more important than you. The truth is, its not even your desired outcome, it is a tangled web of other peoples expectations meets the fear of being judged. We want to do it all and we want to do it all without breaking a sweat.
Being permanently busy leaves you feeling like one of those circus performers who spins plates. Never able to really focus on one thing at a time, only crisis care on what begins to wobble and needs urgent attention. The problem is that there are just too many damn plates!! Its getting harder and harder to keep them all spinning and if you keep going this way, they will soon all crash down at once.
I know all of this, because it was me! Truthfully, I can easily find myself back in that familiar pattern!
I had to make a change. I genuinely did not want to feel like this any longer and I don’t want you to feel like this either. It was not doing me any favours and lets be honest, its not doing my loved ones any favours either. I was always multi tasking, which means never doing anything properly.
You are likely impatient, frustrated, forgetful and breathless. This over achieving brain can be a huge asset short term. However it becomes detrimental as we begin to spiral into a more difficult, complicated mindset which can be driven by fear, shame and “not enough”. These are the main drivers that fuel “busy”. We get harder and harder on ourselves, expecting that we should always be doing better, achieving more and looking like we have our sh1t together every step of the way.
Those living with anxiety as their default setting (just like me) have a busy enough mind. We don’t then need to continue to create more things to do. This is the pit fall of busy, we just find more and more to do and create a new “normal”. Our minds are already busy going over conversations that we had last night or even last week, looking for evidence that we are not good enough, not strong enough, not funny enough or just not enough in general.
There are many reasons for busy and the most common one for women is the “not enough” feeling. Its actually why we take on more and more. We have this deeper undercurrent of feeling that we are failing or not good enough on some level, we therefore push harder and work longer. It comes from a beautiful place of caring so much, however there is a huge problem that occurs. We sacrifice ourselves in order to please others. We go with out lunch, we go without sleep, we sacrifice our calm, we continue to push ourselves to do more, achieve more and be more.
Brene Browns quote is forever in the back of my mind here- she says
“Stop walking through the world looking for evidence that you don’t belong. You will always find it, because you have made that your mission.”- Brene Brown
I love this quote! It is possibly one of my all time favourites. It is a little like when you buy a new car or pram or handbag. Suddenly you see the same one everywhere because you are drawing attention to it. Well the same goes for our interpretation on the world. If we believe that we do not belong we will make it our life mission to find, notice or create evidence to support this.
This looks like exhausted burnt out women who keep pushing on anyway. It looks like high stress levels, more anxiety and fear that we are failing if we don’t hold it all together.
Heres my question though- what are we teaching our children here?
We are showing them through action that Mum doesn’t deserve the same respect as the rest of the family, that is why she is so far down on the family totem pole. We are teaching them that it is ok for Mum to crash and burn so long as my sandwiches are cut into dinosaurs and there are always home made cookies in the jar. (Mummy guilt- Mum is not good enough!) Is it ok for Mum to forget to nourish herself with a decent meal (not including the crust of said dinosaur sandwich which you stuffed in) Is it true that Mum doesn’t deserve more than that dodgy looking raspberry in that whole punnet of raspberries that little Johnny practically inhaled.
Are we simply showing our kids that we have such little self worth? Why else do we always take the shit bit of cake, the slightly burnt chop, the bruised apple. Why is it that we let our children see us run ourselves into the ground which leads to snappy, impatient and exhausted Mum who just yelled at the kids AGAIN and now feels like she is a bad parent.
So I have a an idea!
Who wants to break up with busy? Lets ditch the extra things that we are doing our of sheer responsibility. Im talking about all of those extra little things that you are more than capable of doing, but what if someone else could do them for a change. What if ditching those few things could free up some time for you to sit long enough to enjoy a hot cup of tea, a warm shower, oh my gosh what about a bath….
I propose a Challenge, lets break up with busy in 7 days!
I would love for you to join me, lets ditch this bad habit and reclaim our lives back. Lets bring back the calm, the focus and the feeling of inspiration. Lets be more patient with our families, lets remember what it feels like to play rather than pop caffeine shots like the are your life line.
Your family deserves the best version of you possible. The best version of you needs to make you the priority. The best version of you meets your nutritional needs because you function MUCH better by doing this and actually your family benefits in the long run too.
You’ve got this, lets do it!
We kick off on April 23rd, follow the link below to sign up for ALL of the bonuses. Lets assess where you are, make the change and then finally feel the difference.